How Writing is Like Dating

Yesterday I attended a North Central/Northeast Texas SCBWI chapter meeting with featured speakers Jan Peck, David Davis, and Carol Barreyre. Over the next few days, I'll share some of the writing insights they shared with the writers and illustrators atttending.

The hook for the meeting was a clever count-down comparison from Carol Barreyre, carol@barreyre.com: "How Writing is Like Dating." She graciously agreed to let me share her list with you.

Most of us remember what it was like to date. You put yourself out there, feel vulnerable, take risks, and sometimes get hurt. Submitting the results of our creative labors evokes many of those same feelings. It is a piece of ourselves. If we find our match, it is paradise. If our work is rejected, you feel like you've been rejected too. Here are a few tips to consider as you step out into the publishing world.

10.  You wouldn't go out on a date half dressed. So, finish your manuscript. 
Avoid submitting something that isn't complete. An agent or editor may ask for the whole thing. Hooray! But if you don't have the entire manuscript, an opportunity is wasted.
9.  It's like looking in the mirror before walking out the door. You're first draft isn't ready for querying without another look. 
Make sure it's polished (shoes shined, hair combed, spelling corrected, plot plotted) before it leaves your front door.
8.  When you're dating, you need friends. Critique groups are a must. 
I belong to two critique groups. They are invaluable! They provide you with "fresh eyes" and help you find the weaknesses and strengths of your "date".
7.  You don't hit on every man or woman out there. Be selective about querying agents and editors. 
Do your homework so you can find that perfect match. There are several great market guides out there (including one published by SCBWI). Haunt bookstores. Talk to librarians and sales clerks. Do internet searches. Stay informed.
6.  Match.com or eHarmony.com? Do you need an agent? 
Like a blind date, sometimes you need someone to help you find that perfect match. If you're not having success doing it yourself, look for the help an agent can offer.
5.  Sometimes that hottie doesn't return your call. Agents and editors don't owe you a response. 
If your book and their house isn't a good fit, if they don't connect, they you might not hear from them. You can followup with them, but don't stalk them. Don't try to force the relationship. If it isn't right, move on.
4.  You don't meet Mr./Ms. Right if you don't get out of the house. You have to own your career, make an effort, and submit. 
Nobody is going to come knocking on your door. You have to take the initiative and let editors and agents know you exist.
3.  Know yourself and your dating goals. Be honest with yourself, the agents, and the editors. 
Know up front what you expect to get out of the relationship and how much time you're willing to devote to making it work.
2.  You wouldn't skip getting dressed or being select if you didn't use Match.com. No skipping steps 3 through 10 even if you decide to self publish.
To me, these steps become even more important because you've become you're own editor.
1. We all need help. SCBWI is your lifeline to the children's publishing industry.
I've been a member of SCBWI (Society of Childrens' Book Writers and Illustrators) since 1995. They are an invaluable resource! Check them out at www.scbwi.org.

Finding a life partner can be amazing. By taking steps to ensure a healthy relationship, writing or illustrating books can be a fun, rewarding, and mutually beneficial experience for you and your publisher.

Invisible Writing

In the beginning of my writing career, my husband used to read my first drafts. And in his sweet beautiful wonderful brutally-honest way, he would say, "It's nice, but..." (here comes the brutal part) "...you're writing too hard."

“Like where?” I’d ask.

“Like here.” Then he'd point to a passage. It was always the one I’d spent hours perfecting. It was well constructed, descriptive, filled with sensory images, and flowing phrases. I loved that passage! It was one of my ‘darlings.’

Then I’d take a closer look. Invariably, it was also the passage I’d Thesaurused, over metaphored, and big-worded to death. It was me saying to the reader, “Look at me, the author. Admire how well I can write.”

Last January, Paula LaRocque (www.paulalarocque.com) spoke at our North Central/Northeast Texas SCBWI chapter meeting. One of her ‘tricks’ for good writing (among several great ones) was to change long difficult words to short simple words. Then she showed an example, a short descriptive passage. It flowed on the page. It evoked vivid images. It set the scene without being intrusive. It was beautiful. She asked who we thought wrote it. We guessed some of the most famous authors in literature. All wrong. The author was a high school student. His assignment: write a descriptive paragraph using one-syllable words. In a room full of authors, not one of us had caught his powerfully effective ‘trick.’ It was indeed like magic.

The method reminded me of motto that can be applied to more than just writing: the KISS method. “Keep It Super Simple.”

Our writing is often beautiful, even brilliant, but if it pulls the reader out of the story, if the reader stops reading and thinks, "Wow! That's great writing!", then I haven't done my job as a writer. As the teller of the story, I need to back off, let the story take center stage, and pull the reader in with writing so well done it is invisible to the reader.

It can be a tough lesson to learn. Invisible writing often means rewriting and sometimes deleting our favorite passages. It hurts (a lot), but in order to craft the best story, sometimes our beautifully written 'darlings' have to go.

But be brave, and remember, your ‘darlings’ never have to die. Not really. Mine may be cut from the story, but not from my life. They reside peacefully in a folder on my computer simply titled “Darlings.” Whenever I wish, I can open it, reread them, pat myself on my back in the privacy of my home and say, “Wow! That’s great writing!” And my readers need never know.