How Writing is Like Dating

Yesterday I attended a North Central/Northeast Texas SCBWI chapter meeting with featured speakers Jan Peck, David Davis, and Carol Barreyre. Over the next few days, I'll share some of the writing insights they shared with the writers and illustrators atttending.

The hook for the meeting was a clever count-down comparison from Carol Barreyre, carol@barreyre.com: "How Writing is Like Dating." She graciously agreed to let me share her list with you.

Most of us remember what it was like to date. You put yourself out there, feel vulnerable, take risks, and sometimes get hurt. Submitting the results of our creative labors evokes many of those same feelings. It is a piece of ourselves. If we find our match, it is paradise. If our work is rejected, you feel like you've been rejected too. Here are a few tips to consider as you step out into the publishing world.

10.  You wouldn't go out on a date half dressed. So, finish your manuscript. 
Avoid submitting something that isn't complete. An agent or editor may ask for the whole thing. Hooray! But if you don't have the entire manuscript, an opportunity is wasted.
9.  It's like looking in the mirror before walking out the door. You're first draft isn't ready for querying without another look. 
Make sure it's polished (shoes shined, hair combed, spelling corrected, plot plotted) before it leaves your front door.
8.  When you're dating, you need friends. Critique groups are a must. 
I belong to two critique groups. They are invaluable! They provide you with "fresh eyes" and help you find the weaknesses and strengths of your "date".
7.  You don't hit on every man or woman out there. Be selective about querying agents and editors. 
Do your homework so you can find that perfect match. There are several great market guides out there (including one published by SCBWI). Haunt bookstores. Talk to librarians and sales clerks. Do internet searches. Stay informed.
6.  Match.com or eHarmony.com? Do you need an agent? 
Like a blind date, sometimes you need someone to help you find that perfect match. If you're not having success doing it yourself, look for the help an agent can offer.
5.  Sometimes that hottie doesn't return your call. Agents and editors don't owe you a response. 
If your book and their house isn't a good fit, if they don't connect, they you might not hear from them. You can followup with them, but don't stalk them. Don't try to force the relationship. If it isn't right, move on.
4.  You don't meet Mr./Ms. Right if you don't get out of the house. You have to own your career, make an effort, and submit. 
Nobody is going to come knocking on your door. You have to take the initiative and let editors and agents know you exist.
3.  Know yourself and your dating goals. Be honest with yourself, the agents, and the editors. 
Know up front what you expect to get out of the relationship and how much time you're willing to devote to making it work.
2.  You wouldn't skip getting dressed or being select if you didn't use Match.com. No skipping steps 3 through 10 even if you decide to self publish.
To me, these steps become even more important because you've become you're own editor.
1. We all need help. SCBWI is your lifeline to the children's publishing industry.
I've been a member of SCBWI (Society of Childrens' Book Writers and Illustrators) since 1995. They are an invaluable resource! Check them out at www.scbwi.org.

Finding a life partner can be amazing. By taking steps to ensure a healthy relationship, writing or illustrating books can be a fun, rewarding, and mutually beneficial experience for you and your publisher.

A Fairy Tale: The Three Little Writers

Once upon a time there were three little writers, Personable, Prolific, and Persistent. Each decided to venture into the publishing world.

"I'm going to get published by knowing people in all areas of the industry," said Personable.

"I'm going to get published by writing every day," said Prolific.

"I'm going to get published by submitting my manuscripts to everyone," said Persistent.

So each went out to build on their dreams.

Personable went to conferences, ate lunch with New York editors, and sent Christmas cards to every publisher. They all remembered Personable and could call her by name. "I have contacts," said Personable showing off a room full of business cards. "Surely I will be published." But Personable neglected to write and never submitted anything.

Prolific wrote everyday, read books about plot, characterization, and scene, and attended every how-to-write workshop she could. Fellow writers praised Prolific's stories. "I've learned my craft and write every day," said Prolific showing off a room full of marvelous manuscripts. "I know a great editor will knock on my door and insist my work be published." But Prolific never studied the markets, never learned who was who, and never submitted a manuscript.

Persistent whipped out a story in just half a day and sent it to every publisher in the market guide. "I only need one great idea and this is it," Persistent bragged showing off a room full of rejection slips. "I'm thick-skinned and stubborn. I'll never give up until it is published." But the story lacked plot, the characters were weak, and Persistent blindly submitted to whoever was who.

One day a Big Bad Editor came to town. He huffed and he puffed and he stormed all around. "I'm buried in stories I've no time to read. They're low quality, inappropriate, and from people I've never seen. I'm closing my doors until 2017."

The three writers almost abandoned their dream, but they put their heads together and concocted a scheme.

"The Big Bad Editor told me he loves mysteries," said Personable.

"I've got a perfect mystery tucked under my bed," said Prolific.

"I'll march it straight to his door and insist he see it," said Persistent.

So the three little writers went to the Big Bad Editor's office and knocked on his door.

"Go away!" a voice boomed from the other side.

"But I'm Personable. Remember me? We met once before."

A key turned in the lock. An eye peered through a tiny crack in the door.

"I've written a wonderful mystery," said Prolific holding up a neatly packaged manuscript.

The door opened a bit more.

"Please read our manuscript," said Persistent, sticking one foot in the gap. "We'll listen, we'll revise, and we'll work, but we won't give up."

The door opened wide. Mr. Editor grinned. "You're being professional, so I'll welcome you in."

Their work was soon published. They authored some more, because they'd learned to work together to open the door. So be Personable, Prolific, and Persistent, my friend. Someday Mr. Editor will welcome you in.